Bank Holiday Beaches

This Bank Holiday weekend I went to Bournemouth and then to Brighton..

But which beach is better? All marks are out of five!


Beach: Really sandy which is lovely to sink your feet into, and it makes paddling fun! 5

Sea: It was really cold! 3

Shops: I used to love going to Borders in Bournemouth, but it closed down. The Dorothy Perkins in town closed, too. The New Look is pretty good. I couldn’t find a place to get coffee milkshakes for some reason. 2

Pier: Yes 5

The crowd: Lots of cute old people in sunhats. Groups of boys playing football while drunk. Tots watching a Punch and Judy show. 3

Aquarium: The Oceanarium in Bournemouth is one of the best aquariums ever! They play different music depending on what part of the world the marine life are from, plus the reef sharks are cuuuute. 5

Bands: A marching band went past me in the Winter Gardens, and they sounded fucking awesome. 5

Famous pop star: Alex James, everyone’s favourite chain smoking, floppy fringed, cheese making bass player from Blur. 5


  • There is a Cliff lift, which takes you all the way from the beach to the top of the cliff in a few seconds. It’s fun and and it’s like £1. 5
  • The Winter Gardens has pretty blossom trees and lovely lawns and a little river! 5
  • Ice cream reasonably priced, but served up by a flirtatious man who was shouting ‘Alright gewls’ at girls walking past. 2

TOTAL – 45/55


Beach: Very pebbly which is so ouchy on your feet when you want to paddle in the waves. But lovely to lie on, it’s like a mini massage! 3

Sea: It was lovely and warm and refreshing! 3

Shops: The shops in Brighton are amazing, especially the little boutiques and stalls in the Lanes. They have Cyber Candy, where you can buy sweets from all over the world, and places to buy the cutest handbags. On the beach there are lots of stalls, where you can buy flags and sun-hats and paintings and jewellry. 5

Pier: Yes, plus a burnt down one.  5

The crowd: Londoners down for the weekend. Well meaning boho liberal types. Stag weekenders. Riot police. 3

Aquarium: The Brighton Aquarium is okay, but very old fashioned. The shark tunnel is really peaceful and beautiful, plus if you ask the staff nicely, they may let you pet the rays! 4

Bands: There was a band on the beach playing 90s pop favourites, which the 30-something crowd loved, but we didn’t. 2

Famous pop star: Preston from the Ordinary Boys. You know, the one who married Chantelle from Celebrity Big Brother. I saw him on the Lewes Road once, he had the tightest jeans on I’d seen in my life! 3


  • We saw a man teaching a small boy how to break-dance 5
  • We saw an amazing basketball match, too! 5
  • There was a play on the beach being performed called ‘The Passion of Christ’ 4

TOTAL 42/55

Winner – BOURNEMOUTH, but only just!


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